I just had to write this down..


I was about to edit my online resume when my husband called my attention to check out my ex-coworker new facebook post and voila, the dental clinic in the UAE I used to work at has changed into a state-of-the-art medical facility and is now being called a medical center. They even got uniforms with the facility’s name on it. Something we used to daydream about back when we were still scrubbing floors and windows of the cheap old building our doctors back then used to rent. To be honest, I was a little envious because that has always been my dream before, wearing a uniform that boasts the medical facility where I work. (petty, right?) When I saw the grand building where my old colleagues are standing with their faces lit, I started thinking, what if I didn’t quit and what if I came back during that time (that time when I’m supposed to go back to the UAE but did not because I don’t want to leave my Piatot behind and also, I had a very bad experience with them when I came back after my delivery so I swear I won’t come back ever) so yeah, after some thinking, I realized, I’m never coming back even if they offered me a job. I wouldn’t want to leave my kids behind and of course, it wouldn’t be the same. I’m not the same person as I was before so I’m not sure if I still have the tolerance to play their games. Anyway, I’m not even sure if I would ever wear a nursing uniform again. I just like the idea. I don’t know. I’m not even sure what’s gonna happen to me next. Just wanted to enjoy the time I have with my kids and husband. Okay. I’m still a little envious.  I’ll just think of something else. peace out.

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New beginnings


One week has already passed since 2018. It’s been a very hectic and busy week for me. For one, I haven’t finished my Upwork freelance job which is supposedly good for a week only. Next is, I submitted lots of online applications and have scheduled interviews here and there (I even have an upcoming interview next Wednesday, good luck to me) also, interviews comes with tryouts so I have a long list of stuff to be done.  Unfortunately, I haven’t landed any permanent online job yet aside from my online tutorial. I’m still doing my ESL online tutorial and fortunately, almost all of my opened slots are booked.

Oh, I also submitted my resignation on my previous job which my TL didn’t take lightly because she guaranteed to the big bosses that I’d come back when I asked for a maternity leave extension so another bad record for me. I actually like my previous job minus the commuting part which takes ages, but, unfortunately, no one will be able to look after my 4-month-old baby because he has the tendency to cry non-stop at night and no one can soothe him except me (they tried but failed) so I have no option but to quit my job) My TL offered another ML extension because I reasoned for medical issues but I’m still undecided because I’m not sure what will be our plan for the future. I also don’t want to make promises I can’t keep and also wouldn’t want to put the company in jeopardy. I actually feel very guilty because my team’s performance would also be affected because I’m leaving, also, I had a good record before I went on leave but my kids come first.

decide

Anyhow, I’ll be texting my TL about my decision and I’m sure I’ll be scolded again because I am informing late again but que sera sera. I’m not a very good decision maker but they say bad decisions make good stories, don’t they?

I just have to trust that there is something good in every goodbye…

trust the magic of new beginnings

year ender


2017  is a tough year for me. but yes, here I am, still alive and kicking.

Though this year has brought many struggles, I have also been showered with lots of blessings.

This year, we welcomed the new addition to our family, my son Sebastian. Though my pregnancy and delivery had been tough, God has made me even tougher and for that, I am very thankful.

Also, 2017 brought me my first online job and that is my being an ESL online tutor. In addition, I got my one-time project based job in Upwork (kahit 1 week lang at maliit ang bayad atleast may trabaho at dagdag sa experience at portfolio)

Another thing, I got myself enrolled in 2 online courses which I have yet to finish, hoping I’d be able to finish it in time before I attended my Freelancer online training next year. ooppps that’s like in 1 day? good luck to me, hahaha

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So yeah, 2017 had not been bad as I had expected it to be. I’m a bit doubtful whether 2018 would be a good year for me but as the saying goes, habang may buhay may pag-asa (as long as you are alive, you have hope, tama ba? hahaha)

So before 2017 ends, let me greet everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR! good luck to us all! 😛

 

feeling appreciated


Even in the slightest, I haven’t dreamt to be a teacher nor a tutor. I may look like I’m very patient but I’m not. I don’t have the heart to tolerate people. (perhaps that’s the reason I only have few friends, hahaha) This is exactly the reason I’m surprised that I am teaching now. (Siguro ganun talaga pag kapit sa patalim, sabi nga nila beggars can’t be choosers so kahit hindi ko linya pinatulan ko gaya ng pagtuturo hahaha).

Every time I finished all my booked classes, I always feel exhausted because I have to pretend I’m upbeat, friendly and all that it takes to be a good teacher but last night was different. I ended my class with a genuine smile on my face all because of what my student said.

Usually, before I end my lesson, I will ask some questions to verify if they did understand what I have taught them. Also, I will ask if they have questions for me or if they have any comments and I am used to getting “No questions or nothing” answers. However, when I asked my student named “Lily”, she answered “Yes” so although it’s past 25 minutes, I decided to extend a few minutes more to accommodate her.

Our convo goes like this:

Me: Do you have any questions for me, Lily?

Lily: Yes, teacher. Thank you. You are hard.

Me: (I was like uhm, okay,) Hard? Do you mean to say I’m a little strict on how I teach my lessons?

Lily: No teacher. (talks in Chinese looks like she was thinking about words to express herself clearly)

Me: Or do you mean to say that our lesson for today is hard?

Lily: No teacher. (talks to herself in Chinese again)

Me: Could you type your sentence in the chat box? You could also do it in Chinese and then I’ll just translate it.

So she did. She typed the word “Hard” again and only then that I realized that she was trying to thank me for working hard to teach her English.

ACL_Lily_122817_thankful

Lily was my last class so I’m already wasted then but when she said thank you for all the hard work, it was like all my frustrations in my previous classes were dissolved in an instant. (Siguro ganito ung nararamdaman ng mga teachers everytime naaappreciate sila ng mga estudyante. Ngayon ko lang narealize lalo na hindi biro ang pagtuturo) If I had known then, I would have said millions of thanks to all my teachers.

Anyhow, alam kong madami pa kong kakaining bigas, I’m not even sure if I could continue doing this ESL tutoring thing but this is definitely one of the highlights in my ESL tutor sideline. Something that I’ll never forget (hoping I won’t)

online courses


I recently enrolled in an online course. I haven’t finished both yet but I hope I have enough motivation to finished them on time. The first course is Online Advertising course which is free of charge from Open2Study. I started this course last November 28 of this year but I have yet to finish it due to my extreme laziness and I’m doing ESL online tutorial on times when I’m on my hardworking moments. Also, I’m taking care of my 3-month-old baby who’s very clingy.

Another online course that I have enrolled in is Social Media Marketing Master Class which I am currently taking at SkillSuccess. I have just started this course today and I actually finished 1 module! Yey! (9 more to go!) This course is worth 199USD but fortunately, I found an online group of WAHM (work at home mom) where they offer coupons for online courses so I got this course for 300PHP only! The best thing about this course is you could study at your own pace plus you get to have verified certificate after finishing it.

I hope this will add more substance to my online resume once I started applying for an online job again.Oh well, if it doesn’t at least I have got another certificate under my name, hahaha.

p.s.

Being an online ESL tutor pays but it’s not as stable as a regular office job so I am hoping I’ll get another online job that pays better so I won’t have to come back to my regular office job. (Also, I’d like to continue breastfeeding my son for at least a year and I’m afraid that if I go back to my regular office job, I’d have a problem with my milk supply)

in addition, commuting SUCKS. so I am definitely aiming for an online job. please, please, please. somebody hire me, hahaha (desperate moves much?)

2018, I don’t want to say this because it’s so cliche, but please be good to me >:P

grandparents’ girl


whenever I see how my nanay and tatay deeply love and adore my little girl Piatot, I get this warm feeling overflowing in my being.

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If there is something I could definitely wish for to come true, it would be that both of them will live a long life so long they could even see their apo sa tuhod and apo sa talampakan if deemed possible.

I didn’t get to experience having a lola and lola figure because I grew up living away from them and they left us early. I sometimes feel a pang of jealousy because it would have been nicer to have a lolo and lola around whenever something bad happens (especially during our dark days with Hitler) but well, everything’s better now but if I’d be given a chance, I definitely would have wanted to be closer to them.

Who knows? If there is such a thing called afterlife, we’ll definitely be tight…

 

minsan hindi sa bibig nahuhuli ang isda, sa amoy din


nung isang gabi duty ni daddylabs para magbantay

umuwi din siya after a few hours tapos nung matutulog na kami, napansin kong amoy yosi siya.

“nagyosi ka noh?” tanong ko.

“ako?” (ung itsura niya ay parang nag-iisip pa kung magsisinungaling siya or hindi)

“wag kang magsinungaling!huli ka na!” sabi ko.

“sabi ko lang naman, ako ah” defensive niyang sabi.

“amoy na amoy ko, saka halata sa itsura mong nagdalawang-isip ka kung magsasabi ka ng totoo noh” asar ko.

“humits lang ako” sabi niya

tawa na lang ako ng tawa kasi huli na siya gusto pa niya dumipensa. anyways, hindi naman ako mapang-away so I decided to let this one go.

just feeling shitty


When it feels like surgery
And it burns like third degree
And you wonder what is it worth?
When your insides breaking in
And you feel that ache again
And you wonder
What’s giving birth?

saw this song in the latest blog post of someone I follow and just have the need to post it.

patience. I need patience.

p.s.

napahugot lang dahil sa isang kababawan. kailangan ko po ng madaming pasensya dahil malapit na kong makapanakit ng nag-aalaga sa junakis ko. at alam kong mahirap maghanap sa panahon ngayon. kaya kailangan ko talaga ng pasensya. san ba makakabili ng pasensya saka ng neutral na boses para kahit apaw na ung inis ko monotone pa din ako magsalita. magiistock na ako.

once in a blue moon selfie


dahil simula nang maging nanay na ako, bihira ko na lang maramdaman na maganda ako, at dahil dyan kapag naramdaman kong maganda ako, dapat may souvenir, hahaha

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p.s. hindi ko alam kung paano ginagawa ng ibang nanay na mukha silang glamorosa kahit ilan na ung anak nila. or siguro hindi talaga ako palaayos since time immemorial kaya nung naging nanay ako, mas mukha akong naging haggard, hahaha, oh well papel, that’s life.