choose life


I still get depressed sometimes just like before.

It gets unbearable the more I think about it. The more you wallow up, the more it eats you.

I feel you. We might have been born under different circumstances but the struggles of fighting your own demons is something I know very well. I feel every words every lines from your music because it was one of those that saved me from myself when I was breaking on the inside.

I still get depressed sometimes. Living is a struggle most of the time but somewhere along my journey, I’ve heard that we must always choose life. Dying is such a finality that even though during my times of despair, it felt so big that lifting a finger to put an end to my darkest makes me very scared.
I feel sad that you’re gone because I was just listening to your music the other day reminiscing what was once was.

I still get depressed sometimes and I don’t think anything could make it stop. We, after all, are a bunch of   Homo sapiens composed of different genes, hormones, neurotransmitters etcetera that makes us what we are. A bunch full of emotions.

I still get depressed sometimes but I am hoping I’ll not make the same choice you made in this lifetime.

#ripchesterbennington

Mad


I’m sick. I’ve got colds that I barely taste anything I eat or drink. I cough and bark like a dog nonstop. I’m pregnant and instead of gaining weight, I just lost 1 kilo in just 2 weeks. My teeth hurts so much it feels like they are going to fall out anytime. I had to take lots of meds plus my vitamins and just by looking at them makes me vomit.. I’m getting mad. Paracetamol doesn’t alleviate the pain I’m in right now. Fast forward please where art thou..

the tale of mister nailcutter


I cut my baby’s nails once a week. It was easier back then, when she was so small, she can barely lift anything except her head. Now, the struggle is real. hahaha.

when she started learning how to crawl, whenever, I would cut her nails, I’ll just distract her and count one through ten in English, Filipino and Arabic, she would listen intently during those times and alas! I have already finished!

the other day, I find it so difficult to make her sit still for me to be able to start cutting her long nails. I started doing the counting thing but it’s wasn’t working anymore. I even gave her stuff to play with but she ends up throwing those things in my face. And then suddenly, I said, hold it and she was startled, (with a weird sounding voice) “Hello Pia! I am Mr. Nailcutter! I am very very hungry! May I eat your nails?”   she started giggling and she gave out her hands willingly. (with a weird voice again) Ho, ho, ho! I am Mr. Nailcutter and I eat nails for dinner!” and then goes the giggling again.

that was one of a hell experience, I’m wondering what technique should I do next time. hahaha on a second thought, I could do her nails while she was sleeping but I’ll be sleeping too so no no no. Ill just think of another story to tell hahaha.

 

 

 

goodbye and hello


in a few hours time, we’ll bid goodbye to 2016 and welcome 2017 (so cliche the intro, haha)

I’ve got lots to be grateful for this year. First and foremost, we got the greatest blessing there is and that will be our daughter Piatot. (despite the sleeplessness, dirty nappies, unexpected tantrums anytime anywhere, the happiness that she has brought into our lives is beyond compare) I happen to get myself a job (though I think I’ll be saying goodbye to this and transfer to another one, haha, wishful), we got our-self a store and an e-bike.

I don’t know but I’m not so excited with new year. maybe because I feel so unsure of what’s going to happen (siguro kapag may anak ka na lagi mo talagang iniisip ung walang kasiguraduhan, or maybe I’m that paranoid, ung tipong dapat maayos ang lahat, bawal kaming mawala or something dahil kawawa naman si Piatot kung mauulila siya, dapat may ganito or ganyan kami para maging maayos ung buhay niya) blah blah. If you’re gonna enter my mind right now, you’ll explode because lots of those uncertainties are lurking in every corner of my mind.

But anyways, I came across this saying in IG this morning. “I am blessed. Today, I am going to focus on what is right in my life“. after  reading this quote, I felt a little better. Just like what someone said somewhere, worrying makes you suffer twice so I want to spare myself from those. (I’m not so much of a masochist)

so tada!

happy new year everyone!

good luck to us!

from a still cynical me,

aubu

how?


So our company had our year end party last Sunday and I wasn’t able to attend just because I feel lazy. And I would pretty much prefer playing with Piatot than socializing with some party people 3/4 of whom I don’t know personally.

It was my first day at work last night coming from a 3 days off and I was bombarded by my officemates how I missed half of my life just because I wasn’t able to attend the party.

So I said in tagalog “paano ko mamimiss yung kalahati nung buhay ko eh yung buhay ko katabi kong natulog nung linggo?”

And then the bombardment suddenly came into a halt 😸😈

damn, it feels good


After working abroad for years side by side with someone who doesn’t have an ounce of appreciation his body, I have forgotten how it feels being recognized for a job well done. 

img_20161207_104036

thanks to my TL for making me remember 😊

the struggle is real


hindi ako palaaway na tao at ang pinakagrabeng nagawa ko sa buhay ko ay hilahin ang buhok ng isa kong pinsan sa sobrang bwisit ko sa kanya, (p.s. hindi sabunot kundi hila kasi ang haba ng hair niya, tumakbo siya nun tapos hinabol ko tapos hinila ko ung dulong buhok niya, at talagang nagpaliwanag ako hahaha)

feeling ko mahirap talaga makipag-away at makipagbasag-ulo pero pakiramdam ko ngayon mas mahirap yung makipagbuno ka sa walong buwang baby para lang mabihisan siya at malagyan ng diaper nang hindi siya masasaktan.

hahaha >:)