I can’t remember when the last time that I felt that I was truly happy.
Was this time when I cut class and went strolling only God knows where?
Was it when I celebrated my 7th birthday at school?
How about when I first received my first ever cell phone?
When I first love and was loved in return?
Or was it the time my siblings and I were complete?
When I first learned how to forgive?
How about the time when I first learned the real meaning of friendship?
Or was it when I first fall flat on my face and was able to stand up and get back to my feet?
Hmm..When was it? I don’t really remember.
I’m not sure if I’m suffering from neurosis of sun-down syndrome
There are times that I was happy and then I’ll just be sad out of nowhere
(I bet hypochondriasis would be the definite diagnosis)
I always tell myself that I’m just a simple person with simple wants
The type to find happiness even in the smallest package
I’m happy when I’m watching anime
When I’m reading my favourite manga
When I eat may all time favourite viand: shrimp
When I’m eating chocolates and cakes
When I have a new book or gadget
When I step on some crunchy leaves
I’m happy on those silly little things
But after a while, the feeling just goes away
And then, all that was left was me.
Absolutely not empty but definitely not full.
Maybe it’s because after those happy moments,
I’m being pulled back to the reality
To the world full of responsibilities, obligations and expectations.
Some of those that weren’t even mine but was left for me to shoulder.
Sometimes, I would like to shrink to the immensity that comes along with being me
I mean those hurtful things that I’d rather not remember
Those expectations & obligations that I’d rather not enumerate
They don’t actually go away and disappear.
Sometimes, it finds its way to get back to you, big time.
But come to think of it, I’m still here. I’m still alive and kicking.
That must mean something, doesn’t it?