death penalty for rape


I was browsing my FB newsfeed when a post caught my eye. Streaks of blood in a hospital floor. I got curious and I read through the article then I got furious. A 5 year old female kid was raped. Yes. Raped. Her lower part was bleeding so much the nurse and bystanders thought she got caught up in an accident. No info was given regarding who did that unimaginable thing to an innocent kid. I hope they rot in hell real bad. I hope someone will make them pay. I actually wish them dead so they’ll do no further harm.

I wish for death penalty as a punishment to those fucking rapist. Sa mga pabibo na magsasabing hindi kamatayan ang sagot, tangina sabihin niyo yan sa limang taong gulang na binaboy ng mga rapist na yun. At sa mga iba pang pabibo na magsasabing buti nga hindi pinatay, sabihin nyo yan sa batang yun at sa lahat ng biktima ng rape na kahit matanda na sila ramdam at tanda nila ung kababuyang ginawa sa kanila. I should know. Someone close to me was almost raped and she still has nightmares until now. How much more to those rape victims? Pano nila haharapin ung kinabukasan?It would take a lifetime perhaps more to move on sa ganyang pangyayari sa buhay.

Pamura na din sa mga victim blamers na nagsasabing walang mararape kung maayos manamit. Punyeta sabihin nyo sakin kung kamaniac maniac ba ung 5 years old na batang babae na nakapantulog.

Gigil na gigil ako sa nangyari sa batang yun at ipinapanalangin kong makayanan nya yung dagok na un sa buhay niya. I wish no other kids, women or man shall suffer the way she did. Fuck rapists. Fuck drugs. Fuck evil.

Sorry naman sa puro murang post. Gigil much talaga ko. May anak akong babae. I couldn’t imagine what is going on inside that kid’s mom and dad’s mind. Just imagining something horrible like that might happen to my kids makes me want to go on a rampage. Ay talaga naman. maghahalo ang balat sa tinalupan.

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New beginnings


One week has already passed since 2018. It’s been a very hectic and busy week for me. For one, I haven’t finished my Upwork freelance job which is supposedly good for a week only. Next is, I submitted lots of online applications and have scheduled interviews here and there (I even have an upcoming interview next Wednesday, good luck to me) also, interviews comes with tryouts so I have a long list of stuff to be done.  Unfortunately, I haven’t landed any permanent online job yet aside from my online tutorial. I’m still doing my ESL online tutorial and fortunately, almost all of my opened slots are booked.

Oh, I also submitted my resignation on my previous job which my TL didn’t take lightly because she guaranteed to the big bosses that I’d come back when I asked for a maternity leave extension so another bad record for me. I actually like my previous job minus the commuting part which takes ages, but, unfortunately, no one will be able to look after my 4-month-old baby because he has the tendency to cry non-stop at night and no one can soothe him except me (they tried but failed) so I have no option but to quit my job) My TL offered another ML extension because I reasoned for medical issues but I’m still undecided because I’m not sure what will be our plan for the future. I also don’t want to make promises I can’t keep and also wouldn’t want to put the company in jeopardy. I actually feel very guilty because my team’s performance would also be affected because I’m leaving, also, I had a good record before I went on leave but my kids come first.

decide

Anyhow, I’ll be texting my TL about my decision and I’m sure I’ll be scolded again because I am informing late again but que sera sera. I’m not a very good decision maker but they say bad decisions make good stories, don’t they?

I just have to trust that there is something good in every goodbye…

trust the magic of new beginnings

grandparents’ girl


whenever I see how my nanay and tatay deeply love and adore my little girl Piatot, I get this warm feeling overflowing in my being.

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If there is something I could definitely wish for to come true, it would be that both of them will live a long life so long they could even see their apo sa tuhod and apo sa talampakan if deemed possible.

I didn’t get to experience having a lola and lola figure because I grew up living away from them and they left us early. I sometimes feel a pang of jealousy because it would have been nicer to have a lolo and lola around whenever something bad happens (especially during our dark days with Hitler) but well, everything’s better now but if I’d be given a chance, I definitely would have wanted to be closer to them.

Who knows? If there is such a thing called afterlife, we’ll definitely be tight…

 

how?


So our company had our year end party last Sunday and I wasn’t able to attend just because I feel lazy. And I would pretty much prefer playing with Piatot than socializing with some party people 3/4 of whom I don’t know personally.

It was my first day at work last night coming from a 3 days off and I was bombarded by my officemates how I missed half of my life just because I wasn’t able to attend the party.

So I said in tagalog “paano ko mamimiss yung kalahati nung buhay ko eh yung buhay ko katabi kong natulog nung linggo?”

And then the bombardment suddenly came into a halt 😸😈

metamorphosis


my little one’s a month old now! I’m telling you guys she’s got a bit of a temper but she’s adorable nonetheless.

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(start from upper left) inaantok. ginulo. nagising ang diwa, badtrip men! nagalit! Wahahaha

Time flies really fast! It was just yesterday that I’m feeling her kicks in my tummy and now she’s kicking me for real with matching eye rolling. I don’t know where she got her maldita tendencies though. hahahaha

Oh, my baby girl can sometimes be as princess-like if she would like to be but that would be when she’s peacefully sleeping 😴.

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our baby is now a little lady

I haven’t slept soundly for a longtime now but who am I to complain when just one smile of my little one makes it all worthwhile? (I’m definitely baby-whipped!hahaha)

just because


I posted my maternity photoshoot pictures before so now it’s my baby’s photoshoot snapshots this time😈😈😈

The photoshoot wasn’t as enjoyable as my maternity photoshoot was. My baby was very fussy and after the shoot, she developed rashes on her cheeks and forehead that I almost regret bringing her to the studio. Anyways, her photographs turned out nice so I guess it’s alright. She’s recovering from her rashes now, thank goodness.

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Ain’t she an angel?😚

addicted


well, apparently, tunay na nakakabusy pala ang maging mommy. puyat wagas. ung naipon kong fats pawala na, ung sa tummy ko na lang ata natira pero katiting na din (nakakatuwa ung tyan ko parang sa mama ko anlambot,hahaha).

sa instagram lang ako karaniwan nakakapagupdate kasi microblogging dun diba. anyways, magpopost sana ako ulit nung mapagmasdan ko ung mga recent posts ko sa IG, halos puro piktyur ng anak ko, hahahaha,

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sorry naman pero #sorrynotsorry pa din, I’m one of those newbie mommy na walang magawa kundi titigan ang anak at kuhaan ng piktyur although mild lang naman ung akin, hahaha

my labor and delivery experience


My baby’s 11 days old now but I haven’t talked about my little one’s birth story. (I think I have had a pleasant birthing experience compared to the horrible birth story as told by some of the moms I know)😊

The day before I gave birth was my scheduled OB-gyne check-up. My doctor did an IE (internal examination) and said I was already at 2-3 centimeters. Since I haven’t had experience strong continuous contraction, I was sent home. She even prescribed Primrose capsule to help thin and dilate my cervix in preparation for my labor. Actually, I have been eating 6 pieces of Dates fruit per day for the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy because it also helps with labor and delivery. (according to studies, dates fruit helps with cervical dilation and reduces the duration of labor) I told my OB about this and she said it seems effective since my cervix was softer the last time she did an examination. Anyways, since I’m already 39 weeks that time and hasn’t had labored yet, I took Primrose as well that night.

It was around 2:30 am the next day (February 21) when I felt a throbbing pain from my back radiating to the front coupled with my tummy hardening with a few minutes interval. I have had contraction before (Braxton-hicks) but this one’s different because no matter what position I tried to do, the pain doesn’t go away. I recorded my contraction and noticed that it has become regularly strong although it has a short duration. The pain was still bearable so I decided to sleep through it but it still wakes me up from time to time. I knew right then that I’ll soon be meeting my little angel.

Come 4:30 am, the radiating back pain continues together with my tummy getting hard so I woke up my husband. He told me to take a bath already to prepare to go to the hospital but after bathing, I felt better although I already have bloody show. I told my husband it’s not yet time.

We were able to attend the morning worship service and do some stuff at home. My mom and I was even able to sweep the backyard despite the pain that I was feeling. When lunch came, I only eat so little (I was more anxious about passing poop during my delivery than the delivery itself, yeah, it sounds crazy coming from a nurse like me considering I’ve witnessed lots of labor and delivery cases with patients pooping and delivering a baby at the same time. I just can’t imagine it happening to me though 😱)

After we had our lunch, it was then that the pain was becoming constantly strong it’s so annoying that I told my husband it’s time to go to the hospital. I texted my OB about my condition and asked how to proceed. She instructed that I be sent to the ER and be checked there.

We arrived at the hospital around 1pm. They took my admission paper (prepared by my OB weeks before my duedate) and asked some information and identification cards. They made me lie on the bed, remove my clothes, put on a hospital gown and diaper, took my vital signs and attached an intravenous line. The doctor on duty did an IE and I was only at 3 cm that time but since I again had bloody show, they continued with the admission. After a few minutes, I was transferred to the labor room because the private room where I will be admitted isn’t prepared yet. I think I stayed there for 2-3 hours together with my husband and my mom. My labor pains continued as the nurses and doctors come and go for vitals signs monitoring like every 30 minutes (though I’m not sure about the time intervals as I can barely concentrate on my surroundings because of the pain that I was feeling).

I remembered being transferred to the private room which was very near to the delivery room. When I got transferred there, I remember seeing my OB and she instructed to administer Buscophan via IV. She keeps on checking my cervix (via IE) and she’s doing stripping as well to facilitate labor. When I reached around 7-8 cm, I think that’s the time they gave me an Oxytocin drip (this is to speed up my labor and to make my contractions more effective). I believe they have administered a pain reliever before the Oxy drip although I’m not sure if it was Morphine or Demerol.

My mom and my husband were there throughout my labor and I am more than thankful. My mother would encourage me to walk around the room to manage the pain and facilitate my contraction. On the other hand, my husband would occasionally hold my hand and kiss my forehead although I keep on telling him to stay away (I remember myself telling him this, “wag kang lumapit, susuntukin kita!”). Yes, that’s what labor does to you, from your composed and calmed persona you find yourself turning into a monster 👹, hahaha) He would always ask my pain scale of 1-10 to which I would always answer 8 or 9. He would instruct me to do deep breathing and would occasionally talk to my baby not to torture me much. All through out my labor and delivery, not once did I rate my pain as 10. For me, I’d rate my pain as 10 if it’s enough to get me into tears to which my labor did not. However, I’m not telling that my labor and delivery was a piece of cake just because I did not reach the maximum pain rate. I can confirm what my sister said, “pag naglalabor ka, buhok mo lang ang hindi masakit.” Everything just fucking hurts you just want to get over it.

After some more time, I think I was at 8-9 cm when my OB decided it was time for me to go to the delivery room. According to my mom, I was wheeled inside DR around 7:30 pm. I remembered being transferred three times from bed to bed it was exhausting and annoying. I remembered being transferred to the DR bed and being put into lithotomy position. An oxygen cannula was attached to me and right then, my journey to never ending pushing started. Every time I got contraction, I was instructed to push. I push hard and strong lots of times but it still wasn’t enough for my baby to come out. Since I’ve been there for more than just a few minutes, my OB decided to ask another doctor (the Pediatrician who’s supposed to catch my baby) to do fundal pushing. It took 3 rather painful and literally breathtaking fundal push until my baby came out. I remembered hearing my baby cry. Alas! My Sophia Avery was delivered at 8:35pm. (I actually thought for a minute that I’ll die not because of my labor and delivery but because of the forceful fundal push to which I gladly didn’t.)

After my delivery, everything was a blur. I remember to have woken up already in my assigned room and my vitals being checked by a nurse. The first thing I noticed was my tummy was way smaller. Only then it sinked in that I have already given birth. I scanned my room for signs of my baby but she wasn’t there. I immediately asked the nurse who’s doing the checking and was assured that my baby was in the nursery room and will be roomed in soon.

My husband and my mom immediately attended to me and asked how I was feeling. They prepared soup and drinks for me. I remember feeling drained. My arms and knees are wobbly. It feels like Mt. Pulag again only it wasn’t. They told me my baby was a bright eyed beauty. They said they took pictures although I don’t remember anything about that. They also told me that Nanay, Tatay, Wewel and Maida came to visit but I barely remember seeing them. Maida told me that I even talked to her but I was so groggy.

I slept for a few more hours and finally, the nurse on duty roomed in my baby. I was told she cried the whole time she was away from me. She has this unique cry that it sounds like she was hurting so much although she wasn’t. I have a feeling she’ll get spoiled because of this. When I get to hold my baby, different emotions crawl through me. I mean, can you imagine, me? A mother? If you asked me decades ago if I picture myself a mother, my answer will be downright NO. I ain’t sweet, I ain’t responsible and I’m freaking lazy which disqualifies me to be one. But when I was holding that tiny creature who looks so delicate, right there and then, I had convicted myself to try hard to become the mother this child would ever need. 

Indeed, I have given birth to a miracle.

(below are some pictures during my labor and delivery)

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Being a mother is both a blessing and a responsibility. I pray to God that I’ll be able to give justice to the word.

unica hija


I started my labor at 2:30 am in the morning of February 21, 2016. After what seemed like an eternity, I finally got to meet my little angel!

Meet Sophia Avery, my first born delivered at 8:35 pm, weighing 3 kilograms and measuring 49 centimeters. This was love at first sight!

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first photograph

I promised myself that when I get to hold my baby, we will take a selfie together, hehehe, here it is!

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And because I get to have selfie with my Piaya (her nickname), my blog post wouldn’t be complete without our first family picture! Daddylabs wouldn’t miss our first family selfie for the world!

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This is indeed the miracle of life. I’m so happy I couldn’t put my feelings into words that would actually describe them perfectly. I’m simply thankful. I’m blessed. I’m overwhelmed. All those feelings rolled into one. Thank God for the blessing called family.

p.s.

pahabol na piktyur (wahahaha)

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