back from hiatus?


so there’s a lot going on right now, actually most of those are just happening inside my head and I just kind of lost the will to write something nice.

perhaps, the monotony of my homebased work is killing me or perhaps, I just don’t have it anymore, the drive to write something, well I’m not a writer in the first place and the reason I created this blog is to rant and stuff hahaha

and yeah, my boss is going to give me additional tasks and I’m past 6 months to this job and I’d like a salary raise which is next to impossible I think because I learned that my boss is a little stingy. I send him an email asking if those additional tasks comes with an increase and me passing the 6 months probation makes me eligible for an increase. did not receive a reply perhaps later today he’ll call and politely decline my request for a raise. so much for pessimism.

I just realised I haven’t doodled in a long time, I also haven’t updated my other site, so much to my disappointment coz I remember I told myself I’ll keep it updated as much as possible, have to find something motivating inside of me.

will have to sign out now because it’s already my lunch break..

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Protektado: when fucked up means fucked up


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Just my two cents


Recently my 2nd elder sister posted a status update in FB saying “kelan ko kaya ulit makikita ang mga barkada ko, namimiss ko na sila”. My husband’s always updated on Fb and he immediately related my sister’s status update to me saying it’s inappropriate to post something like that considering my sister’s got huge responsibility having 7 kids on her back (one’s with us so there’s 6 remaining kids). I replied saying “tao pa din naman siya”. I mean I know my sister can really be selfish at times but I also know she cares for her kids. I mean once you become a parent, do you have to lose yourself in the process of being one? I don’t think so. I mean, your kids have to come first most of the time like 99% but isn’t it fair to keep atleast 1% for yourself? Otherwise how else would you keep your sanity? Perhaps those know-it-alls parents or not would say that’s bull because once you subjected yourself into creating another life, you have to be responsible for them like for the rest of your life. I don’t remember who said this to me not sure if it’s my mom or my sister, “kapag nagka-anak ka na, sa kanila na iikot ang mundo mo”. I mean this could be partly true coz nowadays my world literally revolves around my kids. I couldn’t remember the last time I stepped out of the house without my kids with me. Even when I work they’re with me though not the whole 8 hours otherwise they’ll throw into a tantrum.

Having kids will literally turn your world upside down. They did mine. But do I regret having them?No. I would always choose a life with them in it. But if I could go back, perhaps I would have had them at a later time when we have everything ready, house of our own, stable source of income where we don’t have to worry about what’s going to happen in the future. That could have been better but anyway I guess life’s like that, it always happens the least we expect it will.

Ooopps, this post got longer than it should. I just hope everything will turn out fine. Hope my kids will turn out happy and kind. I hope my parenting wouldn’t suck as I’m expecting it would. Hahaha. I think I talked too much today I mean I typed too much rather. Lack of sleep does that to you I guess.

Before I further blabber nonsense, I’d have to take off because I’m still working at this hour. 40 minutes more before my log out time. Shhh my son’s sleeping. Gotta shut up now.

I just had to write this down..


I was about to edit my online resume when my husband called my attention to check out my ex-coworker new facebook post and voila, the dental clinic in the UAE I used to work at has changed into a state-of-the-art medical facility and is now being called a medical center. They even got uniforms with the facility’s name on it. Something we used to daydream about back when we were still scrubbing floors and windows of the cheap old building our doctors back then used to rent. To be honest, I was a little envious because that has always been my dream before, wearing a uniform that boasts the medical facility where I work. (petty, right?) When I saw the grand building where my old colleagues are standing with their faces lit, I started thinking, what if I didn’t quit and what if I came back during that time (that time when I’m supposed to go back to the UAE but did not because I don’t want to leave my Piatot behind and also, I had a very bad experience with them when I came back after my delivery so I swear I won’t come back ever) so yeah, after some thinking, I realized, I’m never coming back even if they offered me a job. I wouldn’t want to leave my kids behind and of course, it wouldn’t be the same. I’m not the same person as I was before so I’m not sure if I still have the tolerance to play their games. Anyway, I’m not even sure if I would ever wear a nursing uniform again. I just like the idea. I don’t know. I’m not even sure what’s gonna happen to me next. Just wanted to enjoy the time I have with my kids and husband. Okay. I’m still a little envious.  I’ll just think of something else. peace out.

year ender


2017  is a tough year for me. but yes, here I am, still alive and kicking.

Though this year has brought many struggles, I have also been showered with lots of blessings.

This year, we welcomed the new addition to our family, my son Sebastian. Though my pregnancy and delivery had been tough, God has made me even tougher and for that, I am very thankful.

Also, 2017 brought me my first online job and that is my being an ESL online tutor. In addition, I got my one-time project based job in Upwork (kahit 1 week lang at maliit ang bayad atleast may trabaho at dagdag sa experience at portfolio)

Another thing, I got myself enrolled in 2 online courses which I have yet to finish, hoping I’d be able to finish it in time before I attended my Freelancer online training next year. ooppps that’s like in 1 day? good luck to me, hahaha

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So yeah, 2017 had not been bad as I had expected it to be. I’m a bit doubtful whether 2018 would be a good year for me but as the saying goes, habang may buhay may pag-asa (as long as you are alive, you have hope, tama ba? hahaha)

So before 2017 ends, let me greet everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR! good luck to us all! 😛

 

online courses


I recently enrolled in an online course. I haven’t finished both yet but I hope I have enough motivation to finished them on time. The first course is Online Advertising course which is free of charge from Open2Study. I started this course last November 28 of this year but I have yet to finish it due to my extreme laziness and I’m doing ESL online tutorial on times when I’m on my hardworking moments. Also, I’m taking care of my 3-month-old baby who’s very clingy.

Another online course that I have enrolled in is Social Media Marketing Master Class which I am currently taking at SkillSuccess. I have just started this course today and I actually finished 1 module! Yey! (9 more to go!) This course is worth 199USD but fortunately, I found an online group of WAHM (work at home mom) where they offer coupons for online courses so I got this course for 300PHP only! The best thing about this course is you could study at your own pace plus you get to have verified certificate after finishing it.

I hope this will add more substance to my online resume once I started applying for an online job again.Oh well, if it doesn’t at least I have got another certificate under my name, hahaha.

p.s.

Being an online ESL tutor pays but it’s not as stable as a regular office job so I am hoping I’ll get another online job that pays better so I won’t have to come back to my regular office job. (Also, I’d like to continue breastfeeding my son for at least a year and I’m afraid that if I go back to my regular office job, I’d have a problem with my milk supply)

in addition, commuting SUCKS. so I am definitely aiming for an online job. please, please, please. somebody hire me, hahaha (desperate moves much?)

2018, I don’t want to say this because it’s so cliche, but please be good to me >:P

here I go again


I’ve been applying here and there for home-based jobs. Some have contacted me and I have yet to finish filling in the exams and information that they wanted. (either I have my hands full or I’m free but doesn’t have the appetite to do productive stuffs)

It’s been more than a month since I gave birth to my second baby and I’m feeling extremely down again. I browsed my old post few months after I have given birth to my first-born and I noticed that my posts were somewhere along the line of sadness and nothingness. I’m not sure if this is somewhat related to post-partum depression or  maybe it is, but one thing I know, this feeling sucks.

maybe I’m just exhausted from lack of sleep. but I rarely do any household chores here so I don’t really know.

sad

I browsed my old photos in facebook and instagram and there’s this picture that I  look radiant (but I definitely remember that I’m extremely sad that time). Guess it’s really true, picture doesn’t do justice to what you really feel inside. Don’t we all wear masks from time to time?

I’m just. I don’t know. Maybe sick of my current self. Hope I’ll feel better soon.

ganito ata talaga kapag tumatanda


Dati laging manga at kung anu-anong fictional novels, stories whatsoever ang bet kong basahin pero ngayon hindi na masyado (pero syempre ibang usapan pag yung mga sinusubaybayan ko talaga)

Anyways, I’m currently obsessed on reading financial independence. Naisip ko sana noon pa ko naadik sa pagbabasa tungkol dun edi sana may nasimulan na ako. Sa sobrang dami kong gustong gawin natuturete ung utak ko hahaha. Andaming what ifs bigla, could have, should have, would have eklavu.

Isa sa websites na kasalukuyan kong binabasa at ung http://www.thinkpesos.com saka ung imoney.ph at as sobrang daming ideas nila lahat yun gusto kong gawin. Haha mula sa savings, investing ek ek. Sana masimulan hahahaha cross fingers. Pero sabi nga dun aral muna bago invest. Andami ko pang dapat matutunan young tipong so much to do so little time and energy, minus the fact that I’m preggy, may isa pang clingy human being na panganay ko na dapat asikasuhin. Andaming plano. Iniiisip ko pa lang hagardo verzosa na.

Ayun. Anung oras na pala, isang araw na naman any lilipas sa maternity leave ko hahaha makatulog na nga.

choose life


I still get depressed sometimes just like before.

It gets unbearable the more I think about it. The more you wallow up, the more it eats you.

I feel you. We might have been born under different circumstances but the struggles of fighting your own demons is something I know very well. I feel every words every lines from your music because it was one of those that saved me from myself when I was breaking on the inside.

I still get depressed sometimes. Living is a struggle most of the time but somewhere along my journey, I’ve heard that we must always choose life. Dying is such a finality that even though during my times of despair, it felt so big that lifting a finger to put an end to my darkest makes me very scared.
I feel sad that you’re gone because I was just listening to your music the other day reminiscing what was once was.

I still get depressed sometimes and I don’t think anything could make it stop. We, after all, are a bunch of   Homo sapiens composed of different genes, hormones, neurotransmitters etcetera that makes us what we are. A bunch full of emotions.

I still get depressed sometimes but I am hoping I’ll not make the same choice you made in this lifetime.

#ripchesterbennington