one bad shift doesn’t mean a bad life


so that was what I was telling myself over and over before I was able to force myself to work again today. You see, yesterday, my boss spoke to me via video-call and I got scolded big time. I haven’t felt this bad in a long time, makes me remember my dental clinic days when my assigned doctor would shove remorseful words down my throat.

anyhow, it started with a chat of how are you and asked me about the additional task he told me about, I totally forgot to send an email reply and just send my questions about the job, rates, trial period and all and then he said he’ll call to discuss. That’s when the scolding started, he said he was extremely insulted that I have the nerve to ask about pay increase when I didn’t’ have an idea of how a virtual assistant works. He said he expected me to just say yes and jump in 2 feet because it’s an additional skills. He even mentioned about me talking to his previous VA behind his back which is totally untrue because I don’t really have connection with his VA. I tried apologising like 3-4 times and he said he doesn’t care about apology and said he was extremely disappointed and insulted about the questions I’ve thrown at him. Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the questions I asked him, I wouldn’t have to ask them if he had been clear about details like rate increase, schedule change and trial period because he want one. I don’t know, I am extremely disappointed on how he handled my questions, I would have understood if he had declined the rate increase and explain in good faith the reason behind but all he did was telling how disappointed and insulted he was because of the questions I asked. If not for the cut-off coming up, I would have not woken up and attended my shit oh my shift today. okay that’s my ego talking, I needed the money so I attended my shift and that’s that. well, I felt like a 7-year-old kid being told not to ask questions because I’m too young to understand. Damn. Gotta find another job, or any part time soon..

ciao…

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here I go again


I’ve been applying here and there for home-based jobs. Some have contacted me and I have yet to finish filling in the exams and information that they wanted. (either I have my hands full or I’m free but doesn’t have the appetite to do productive stuffs)

It’s been more than a month since I gave birth to my second baby and I’m feeling extremely down again. I browsed my old post few months after I have given birth to my first-born and I noticed that my posts were somewhere along the line of sadness and nothingness. I’m not sure if this is somewhat related to post-partum depression or  maybe it is, but one thing I know, this feeling sucks.

maybe I’m just exhausted from lack of sleep. but I rarely do any household chores here so I don’t really know.

sad

I browsed my old photos in facebook and instagram and there’s this picture that I  look radiant (but I definitely remember that I’m extremely sad that time). Guess it’s really true, picture doesn’t do justice to what you really feel inside. Don’t we all wear masks from time to time?

I’m just. I don’t know. Maybe sick of my current self. Hope I’ll feel better soon.

dahil mas marami pang mahalagang bagay kesa pag-eemote


Habang nakahiga ako katabi ng anak kong payapang natutulog na may konting paghihilik on the side, iniisip ko kung saan ako nagkamali sa pagsagot sa interview at exam ko kahapon sa isang kumpanya. andaming tanong bigla sa utak ko. bakit kaya hindi pa sila nagtetext. zero ba ko sa exam? hindi nila feel ang aura ko? pati ba naman sa non-voice bokya ako? hanggang mapunta sa saan ba ko nagkamali ng desisyon sa buhay at struggling pa din ako? nakakaguilty bigla na nag-anak ako pero hindi ko pa siya kayang bigyan ng magandang buhay na tutugma sa ideal na magandang buhay sa isip ko.

hanggang sa naalala ko hindi ko pa pala napaplantsa yung damit ng baby ko na nilabhan ni daddylabs. 

tapos may narinig ako sa isip ko na nagsabing “Cut! OA na!”

oo na, eto na nga, magpaplantsa na.

a piece of heaven


andami kong iniisip nitong mga nakaraang araw. siguro epekto ng puyat at tambay mode. pakiramdam ko wala kong direksyon. nakakapraning din pala yung ganitong buhay. lalangoy o lulubog. minsan nakakadepress lang. ready na kong makinig sa kantang emo at lunurin ang sarili ko sa nakakaurat na pakiramdam ko ngayon kaso bigla kong napatingin sa gilid ko.

img1458822600403

tapos naisip ko, may langit pala dito sa lupa. napangiti na lang ako.☺

a simple prayer


Dear God,

may natanggap po akong masamang balita (gustong-gusto ko po ishare kaso hindi po pwede)

malungkot na malungkot po ang mama ko at natatakot po ako para sa kalusugan niya

sabi ko po sa kanya, chillax kasi magiging maayos din ang lahat

diba po magiging maayos din ang lahat?

sana po talaga maging maayos din ang lahat

salamat po ng madami sa pakikinig

lubos na nagmamahal,

AuBu


p.s.

masyado po ba Kayong confident sakin kaya ganito?

ahm, pwede po bang humingi ng pabor?

maari po bang bawas-bawasan nyo ung tiwala nyo sakin?

kasi po medyo mabigat at nahihirapan na ako,

pwede po bang hinay-hinay lang, mahaba pa po ang 2011,

yun ay kung pwede lang naman, hehe