so hindi ko kinaya

nagrepost ako ng isang post ng fb friend to send a message to my extremely annoying fellow fb friends since elem/hs/etc regarding calling voters foul names tapos ayun nasabihan ding akong bobo/tanga indirectly ng taong namintang din sakin before na nagyoyosi ako dahil lang sa mukang balat sa noo ng anak ko.

oh well, tapos naman na ung eleksyon, nanalo ung ibang bet kong kandidato at walang pumasok sa bet nya kaya siguro bitter. Sabi ng asawa ko dapat sinagot ko ung comment niya sa post ko, I have hundreds of rebuttals in my mind but decided not to make patol, her comment just revealed what kind of person she is anyway…

I just realised respect is becoming outdated these days..

death penalty for rape

I was browsing my FB newsfeed when a post caught my eye. Streaks of blood in a hospital floor. I got curious and I read through the article then I got furious. A 5 year old female kid was raped. Yes. Raped. Her lower part was bleeding so much the nurse and bystanders thought she got caught up in an accident. No info was given regarding who did that unimaginable thing to an innocent kid. I hope they rot in hell real bad. I hope someone will make them pay. I actually wish them dead so they’ll do no further harm.

I wish for death penalty as a punishment to those fucking rapist. Sa mga pabibo na magsasabing hindi kamatayan ang sagot, tangina sabihin niyo yan sa limang taong gulang na binaboy ng mga rapist na yun. At sa mga iba pang pabibo na magsasabing buti nga hindi pinatay, sabihin nyo yan sa batang yun at sa lahat ng biktima ng rape na kahit matanda na sila ramdam at tanda nila ung kababuyang ginawa sa kanila. I should know. Someone close to me was almost raped and she still has nightmares until now. How much more to those rape victims? Pano nila haharapin ung kinabukasan?It would take a lifetime perhaps more to move on sa ganyang pangyayari sa buhay.

Pamura na din sa mga victim blamers na nagsasabing walang mararape kung maayos manamit. Punyeta sabihin nyo sakin kung kamaniac maniac ba ung 5 years old na batang babae na nakapantulog.

Gigil na gigil ako sa nangyari sa batang yun at ipinapanalangin kong makayanan nya yung dagok na un sa buhay niya. I wish no other kids, women or man shall suffer the way she did. Fuck rapists. Fuck drugs. Fuck evil.

Sorry naman sa puro murang post. Gigil much talaga ko. May anak akong babae. I couldn’t imagine what is going on inside that kid’s mom and dad’s mind. Just imagining something horrible like that might happen to my kids makes me want to go on a rampage. Ay talaga naman. maghahalo ang balat sa tinalupan.

heart & hate relationship

Dear Lazada,

I hate you…

I hate you because you make me feel poor (I couldn’t afford all the good stuff in your platform)

I hate you because every time I open your app, I keep on adding stuff in my cart that will just sit there for decades but will never be bought (exaggerated much?may dekada na ba ung lazada?hahaha)

I hate you because you keep on emptying my wallet (feeling ko monthly may inoorder ako sayo hahaha)

On the other hand..

I heart you because you make shopping convenient (lalo sa taong bahay na katulad ko na once a week minsan twice a week pa nakakalabas ng lungga)

I heart you because you show me incredible stuff that I like (like the Kiiplix and Paperang na sayo ko lang nadiscover pati ung mga multivitamins na gummies para sa mga junakis ko tapos ung mga bags na magaganda pero ang mamahal para sa ordinaryong taong kagaya ko,hahaha)

I already tried uninstalling you because I keep on checking you everyday looking for good stuff to buy but still I installed you back because my phone feels empty without the your icon (hahaha adik na)

I hope I’ll get over you soon.

Otherwise, just give more discount vouchers especially for expensive but really good stuff. It would be much appreciated.

one of your loyal shoppers,


I see it everywhere..

So I have already finished taking the exam I mentioned on my last post and I am currently waiting for the results and no matter how much I try calming my mind, I just see it everywhere. I browse my FB and IG account and an ad about the exam I’ve taken pops up. I read an article about what-nots and the name of someone mentioned in the article rhymes with the exam name. I sleep and I dreamed that I got 56 on all areas which literally makes me feel like I’m doomed. Gosh. Exam results come out now, save me from myself. Achieving tranquility amidst this world is easier said than done.

will do binge-watching on Netflix, perhaps this will help a little..


so a student from my alma mater sent me a pm via fb asking me to answer a survey regarding tracing alumni whereabouts

I’ve actually done this before but for a different batch and after answering their survey, I feel overly underachieved. If only being successful could be done by just reviewing for a certain exam or quiz and voila! You got a perfect score! but no, it’s like a maze cave that will keep your heads turn and make your stomach churn. I should know, I’m still on the journey and I have yet to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You know that feeling when you should be doing something more than what you’ve always been doing. something big. no erase that. something that you do that makes you feel worthy of yourself.

I’ve always felt I’m a mediocre student (you strive hard but still you’re always halfway to the top) and now I still feel the same, graduated decade ago but still the same mediocre person that I am. I don’t know. maybe it’s the lack of sleep that’s making me feel this way, it sucks.

anyhow, remember the part-time job I told you about? I think I’ll just let it go, I’m having second thoughts of continuing on it. First, the trainer/VA of the company owner doesn’t respect anyone’s time. There was this time that I was told that training starts at 7am only to be told later that it was moved to 9am. There was another time where I was made to wait 5 hours for training evaluation only to be told that she can’t make it because she has lots of tasks to finished. I mean, the world has invented many different ways of communication and they didn’t bother to tell us trainees earlier?I didn’t receive any apology for my time wasted and was told nothing will be paid for the time I waited because nothing was done. With just one week of being with them makes me pity myself, I mean, yes I approached them for a part-time job but it’s like I’m begging them for work. Is it my ego or pride? Or they’re just clueless or shameless. I’m still thinking. I had our laptop repaired and it cost me some money and if I have a part time perhaps I’d be able to earn the money I spent back. But still, I’m having bad vibes on this. I’m applying still but no luck.

Maybe I should have tried lottery again. Maybe I’ll get lucky. Gosh. Where have all the years gone by. A decade more and I’m on 40’s I’m still nowhere near a successful career or financial state where I could safely say my kids will go by swiftly, grow and graduate without financial strains. What the hell did I do during the past years….

shhhh mind. stop thinking…tomorrow is another day..

too much feelings and stuff

I’m not really sure what’s with the big 3 age but I feel gayish or girlish when I hit that age.

I’m not a fan of pink but when I learned that I had to have an experience in hospital, the crocs I added in my Lazada cart was pink or old rose was it. The navy blue crocs didn’t entice me at all. Maybe it’s because my daughter loves pink and the loathe I have against that color has since diminished coz pink is mostly what my daughter wears.

I’m browsing lots and lots of dresses, with lace and looking at a lot of beige and old rose tones. Also, I’m digging make-up now. I’m a powder and lipbalm kinda girl but now I have eyelash curler, lipstick, concealer, eyebrow liner (though I have yet to learn how to put a killer kilay), cheek and lip tint, primer, face powder, BB cream, blush on and sunscreen (which I recently bought just because I saw Belo sunscreen review and they said it’s a good substitute for BB cream or primer or foundation and whatnot) I haven’t tried putting on a full face make and I don’t think I ever would but who knows. I don’t know I just suddenly got interested in make-up maybe because my eldest sister keeps on telling me her make-up stuff..

Oh, I have good news, I have found a part-time job, 4hrs only and I just started training monday morning so less sleep for me this week. I’m getting a little bad vibes coz trainings and evaluations doesn’t start on time like they say it’s 6:30am and you end up waiting till 9:30am and that sucks coz I’m still on duty with my previous/current and that amount of time they made me wait should have been my sleeping time. I hope training and eval finished fast and I hope I’ll pass so this time their eating would give me something to hold on to. I’m still applying to some other jobs though..

I’m thinking of having a pixie hair cut but I have a frizzy curly hair which I think would look like a messy bird’s nest but whenever I see ladies with pixie hair I couldn’t help but wanting that hairstyle. I ordered a keratin treatment set in Lazada so I could do my hair myself and will save time and money from going to salon and will save me from talkative hairstylist looking for money tip (though they’re not all like that but in my experience most of them are)

so something happened and I’m not supposed to talk about it but I feel like I’m in the middle of 2 stones wherein if I say something they’d be a little emotionally affected and I’m guilty because I feel like I’m an accessory and shit. So I should shut up before I say anything I’m not supposed to.

p.s. I recently learned I don’t need to have a hospital experience coz something came up and it could be fixed so there’s need for the pink crocs

p.s. again.. I’m not really into the training sesh with a crappy time on my part time job but I just spent money on our laptop to be fixed for this part time and I don’t really want it to go to waste. I’ll keep looking for online jobs I guess..

p.s. I’m currently convincing myself about the white lies and stuff but I honestly think it’s still lying but really what people don’t know won’t hurt them. or maybe sometimes white lies keep stuff together..

ciao.. maybe I’m blabbering too much shit because of lacking sleep. I’m sorry to all the sleep I have faked before when I was a kid.

one bad shift doesn’t mean a bad life

so that was what I was telling myself over and over before I was able to force myself to work again today. You see, yesterday, my boss spoke to me via video-call and I got scolded big time. I haven’t felt this bad in a long time, makes me remember my dental clinic days when my assigned doctor would shove remorseful words down my throat.

anyhow, it started with a chat of how are you and asked me about the additional task he told me about, I totally forgot to send an email reply and just send my questions about the job, rates, trial period and all and then he said he’ll call to discuss. That’s when the scolding started, he said he was extremely insulted that I have the nerve to ask about pay increase when I didn’t’ have an idea of how a virtual assistant works. He said he expected me to just say yes and jump in 2 feet because it’s an additional skills. He even mentioned about me talking to his previous VA behind his back which is totally untrue because I don’t really have connection with his VA. I tried apologising like 3-4 times and he said he doesn’t care about apology and said he was extremely disappointed and insulted about the questions I’ve thrown at him. Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the questions I asked him, I wouldn’t have to ask them if he had been clear about details like rate increase, schedule change and trial period because he want one. I don’t know, I am extremely disappointed on how he handled my questions, I would have understood if he had declined the rate increase and explain in good faith the reason behind but all he did was telling how disappointed and insulted he was because of the questions I asked. If not for the cut-off coming up, I would have not woken up and attended my shit oh my shift today. okay that’s my ego talking, I needed the money so I attended my shift and that’s that. well, I felt like a 7-year-old kid being told not to ask questions because I’m too young to understand. Damn. Gotta find another job, or any part time soon..


like a specimen under a microscope

so I’ve been doing billing for almost 2 months now with my Cali-based employer. To monitor our productivity, they have installed timedoctor in our desktop. Before, that tracker used to take random screenshot of our active window and will stop time tracking once our window become idle for 8-10 minutes. However, just recently, they have taken the monitoring to a new level, they also take webcam shots every 10 minutes now and it’s really irritating coz it makes me feel like the big Boss is sitting right beside me looking exactly at my every movement.

I mentioned this to his Filipina VA (virtual assistant)and she said that webcam shots has been there for quite some time, perhaps, mine was just activated a little late. Oh well, perhaps big B’s got a lot of trust issues. Anyhow, I recently intereacted with a co-biller and she said she wasn’t comfortable having her photo taken thru webcam and she had covered hers since she started home-based job and big B hasn’t scolded her about it yet. She added it wasn’t on the print she signed therefore she’ll continue covering her webcam until she gets reprimanded. I was thinking of doing the same but I couldn’t find a good reason to justify why I’ll be covering it since I had mine started taking photos like 2 days ago and I didn’t complain.

Hmm. Oh I also learned that Big B really has some trust issues and he’s a little stingy. They said he doesn’t give increases and bonuses which makes me a little disappointed and made me think of finding another one. His VA for example has another client aside from Big B so I was hoping I could find another client too. Well, wish me luck. Hope that webcam shots won’t be taking photos lesser than 10 minutes or else…hayyy.

ethical legal at kung ano pang al

After getting myself a permanent online job with a fixed salary, I decided to take a break from my 51talk stint and submitted a month vacation just to see how would it go with my new job. So far so good. Unfortunately, the online support of 51talk didn’t even acknowledge my email so I guess this would be it? Goodbye online tutoring for now, perhaps my account is already locked though I haven’t tried logging in again.

Anyhow, my one and only loyalist student Lily recently sent me a message via WeChat telling me she misses me very much, when am I going back and telling me she doesn’t want any other teachers (you see, before I went on a 51talk hiatus I told her I’ll be gone for a while and advice her to try other teachers so her English skills would be further developed. It’s just 3 days ago that I learned she stopped attending her 51talk classes because she doesn’t want to see other teachers. I told my husband about Lily and he said why not offer her a special tutoring lessons via Skype instead. I was actually undecided whether to follow his advice because one, I don’t know what lessons should I teach Lily; two, I don’t know how to make Lesson memo by myself coz in 51talk lessons are prepared firsthand you just have to teach it to your students, and three, I’m afraid I’ll get sued😫 hahaha isn’t unethical and illegal to do that? It’s like I’m stealing one of their students.

Oh well, I’m not even sure I could keep up having another job aside from my current one but I’ll think about it.

Ooops, 10 minutes got deducted from my working time, my bad, trying to blog through my phone and work at the same time, not a very good idea but hey, I just missed blogging, you know😛