spot on


so I was complaining that my injectable contraceptive is making me gain weight or I just have a hearty appetite to which my husband said “matagal ka nang matakaw, humina lang panunaw mo”.

too much feelings and stuff


I’m not really sure what’s with the big 3 age but I feel gayish or girlish when I hit that age.

I’m not a fan of pink but when I learned that I had to have an experience in hospital, the crocs I added in my Lazada cart was pink or old rose was it. The navy blue crocs didn’t entice me at all. Maybe it’s because my daughter loves pink and the loathe I have against that color has since diminished coz pink is mostly what my daughter wears.

I’m browsing lots and lots of dresses, with lace and looking at a lot of beige and old rose tones. Also, I’m digging make-up now. I’m a powder and lipbalm kinda girl but now I have eyelash curler, lipstick, concealer, eyebrow liner (though I have yet to learn how to put a killer kilay), cheek and lip tint, primer, face powder, BB cream, blush on and sunscreen (which I recently bought just because I saw Belo sunscreen review and they said it’s a good substitute for BB cream or primer or foundation and whatnot) I haven’t tried putting on a full face make and I don’t think I ever would but who knows. I don’t know I just suddenly got interested in make-up maybe because my eldest sister keeps on telling me her make-up stuff..

Oh, I have good news, I have found a part-time job, 4hrs only and I just started training monday morning so less sleep for me this week. I’m getting a little bad vibes coz trainings and evaluations doesn’t start on time like they say it’s 6:30am and you end up waiting till 9:30am and that sucks coz I’m still on duty with my previous/current and that amount of time they made me wait should have been my sleeping time. I hope training and eval finished fast and I hope I’ll pass so this time their eating would give me something to hold on to. I’m still applying to some other jobs though..

I’m thinking of having a pixie hair cut but I have a frizzy curly hair which I think would look like a messy bird’s nest but whenever I see ladies with pixie hair I couldn’t help but wanting that hairstyle. I ordered a keratin treatment set in Lazada so I could do my hair myself and will save time and money from going to salon and will save me from talkative hairstylist looking for money tip (though they’re not all like that but in my experience most of them are)

so something happened and I’m not supposed to talk about it but I feel like I’m in the middle of 2 stones wherein if I say something they’d be a little emotionally affected and I’m guilty because I feel like I’m an accessory and shit. So I should shut up before I say anything I’m not supposed to.

p.s. I recently learned I don’t need to have a hospital experience coz something came up and it could be fixed so there’s need for the pink crocs

p.s. again.. I’m not really into the training sesh with a crappy time on my part time job but I just spent money on our laptop to be fixed for this part time and I don’t really want it to go to waste. I’ll keep looking for online jobs I guess..

p.s. I’m currently convincing myself about the white lies and stuff but I honestly think it’s still lying but really what people don’t know won’t hurt them. or maybe sometimes white lies keep stuff together..

ciao.. maybe I’m blabbering too much shit because of lacking sleep. I’m sorry to all the sleep I have faked before when I was a kid.

error 0x800B0109


so here I am freaking out a little because I’m still working with my current boss, the one I told you about. apparently, the jobs that my friend, colleagues have recommended aren’t jobs yet, I’m still searching part time jobs because I have a thing I have to do.

I checked out ministry of health UAE for my good standing certificate but I’m sure as hell I won’t be able to get one because my horrible ex-bosses/doctors are still working on that medical center I’ve worked before and they will have to review my records which of course is bad because I didn’t finish my contract with them, I just severed contacts and that’s that which in turn would make my good standing certification application be rejected.

I’m also excited just thinking that I’ll have to work in the hospital again but just the thought of applying makes my stomach sick and my head hurts. I’m 31, rusty and haven’t had a decent hospital experience to get me through a hospital application. I tried an online exam for anything related to nursing and I got 4 out of 10, not even 50%.  damn.

so yeah, I just blabbered whatever’s on my mind and nothing near death experience or some catastrophic life-changing happenings with me right now but it feels like I’m going near breaking point.

and yeah, I took a time off early at my online work because of that 0x800B0109 error that keeps me from connecting to our company’s VPN. my supervisor told me to take it up with our boss but no, I’m not talking to him. I think I’ll have a technician check our PC. I actually googled it and it says something about updates and program files which I know nothing about so yeah, it’s better to check with a technician. it says also something about a window update, there’s a program that has to be installed but keeps on failing to be installed. so yes, I have to have the PC checked.

my kids are doing fine, fighting every day over toys and me shouting, scolding and laughing with them like a maniac but yeah, we’re good. being a work-at-home mom has its perks. actually thinking what would happen if I start working in a hospital and what if I have to go away for like months. they won’t forget me easily, right? we’d still be as tight as we are now, right? okay, so now I’m over-reacting. have to go now. it’s the hormones. yeah, it is.

 

I’m not yet ready


I think I haven’t talked about my niece here in my blog. I’m not sure, maybe I have to do some backreading later.

Anyway, yeah, this blog post is about her. She recently moved here with us from Tacloban after having consecutive failing grades (and when I say fail, her grades were way below average, I mean I haven’t encountered anyone in my entire life having a 59 or was it 69 in one of the subjects in high school. That’s how bad it is.)

She used to be an achiever. When she was still living with my mom and hitler, every school year, my mom gets to go up stage putting medals on her. She grew up with us, growing up to be a lola’s girl. However, when she moved to live with her mom (my elder sister) it’s like the world turned up side down. What used to be an achiever kid transformed into a problematic slash rebel teenager. Maybe she was cultured-shock? Maybe my elder sister didn’t paid much attention to her the way she did with her other 6 kids? I don’t know. Since time immemorial, my elder sister isn’t known to be affectionate, actually, all of us aren’t. In addition, she really didn’t want her at first, I was there when this this kid was born, maybe post partum depression? I don’t know too. It’s like she really doesn’t care much about her compare to her other kids. She says she’s bad luck (that was when she was a baby that’s why she grew up with us, she even mistaken my mom for her mom growing up). My sister says she’s seeing so much of herself in her that’s why she’s always irritated to her. She said my niece is hard-headed, lazy in studying, always loves to hang around with her posse. I knew this kid and she was the sweetest before. Now, I find it difficult to reach out to her, I mean she’s here prancing around with her smiling face but I feel that invisible barrier between us. I mean I already find it hard to relate to people my age, how much more trying to relate to a teenager. Would you believe I even Googled how to interact and discipline teenagers? Gosh how pathetic could I get? I just realized I’m miles away from being ready to seeing my kids grow up.

Hope it would turn out fine. I hope I could atleast make a little positive impact on the life of my niece if not change her life for the better.

Grabe. Paano ba maging mabuting ina sa batang hindi naman sayo galing? Eh ung anak ko nga nangangapa na ako hahay. Napatagalog na ako hahaha nakakanosebleed din eh.

Peace out. Sa wakas natapos din bagi maipublish ulit. Try lang ung kanina. Hindi ko alam kung sino kina ariana, piatot at baste ang aksidenteng nakapindot ng publish.

 

ethical legal at kung ano pang al


After getting myself a permanent online job with a fixed salary, I decided to take a break from my 51talk stint and submitted a month vacation just to see how would it go with my new job. So far so good. Unfortunately, the online support of 51talk didn’t even acknowledge my email so I guess this would be it? Goodbye online tutoring for now, perhaps my account is already locked though I haven’t tried logging in again.

Anyhow, my one and only loyalist student Lily recently sent me a message via WeChat telling me she misses me very much, when am I going back and telling me she doesn’t want any other teachers (you see, before I went on a 51talk hiatus I told her I’ll be gone for a while and advice her to try other teachers so her English skills would be further developed. It’s just 3 days ago that I learned she stopped attending her 51talk classes because she doesn’t want to see other teachers. I told my husband about Lily and he said why not offer her a special tutoring lessons via Skype instead. I was actually undecided whether to follow his advice because one, I don’t know what lessons should I teach Lily; two, I don’t know how to make Lesson memo by myself coz in 51talk lessons are prepared firsthand you just have to teach it to your students, and three, I’m afraid I’ll get sued😫 hahaha isn’t unethical and illegal to do that? It’s like I’m stealing one of their students.

Oh well, I’m not even sure I could keep up having another job aside from my current one but I’ll think about it.

Ooops, 10 minutes got deducted from my working time, my bad, trying to blog through my phone and work at the same time, not a very good idea but hey, I just missed blogging, you know😛

I just had to write this down..


I was about to edit my online resume when my husband called my attention to check out my ex-coworker new facebook post and voila, the dental clinic in the UAE I used to work at has changed into a state-of-the-art medical facility and is now being called a medical center. They even got uniforms with the facility’s name on it. Something we used to daydream about back when we were still scrubbing floors and windows of the cheap old building our doctors back then used to rent. To be honest, I was a little envious because that has always been my dream before, wearing a uniform that boasts the medical facility where I work. (petty, right?) When I saw the grand building where my old colleagues are standing with their faces lit, I started thinking, what if I didn’t quit and what if I came back during that time (that time when I’m supposed to go back to the UAE but did not because I don’t want to leave my Piatot behind and also, I had a very bad experience with them when I came back after my delivery so I swear I won’t come back ever) so yeah, after some thinking, I realized, I’m never coming back even if they offered me a job. I wouldn’t want to leave my kids behind and of course, it wouldn’t be the same. I’m not the same person as I was before so I’m not sure if I still have the tolerance to play their games. Anyway, I’m not even sure if I would ever wear a nursing uniform again. I just like the idea. I don’t know. I’m not even sure what’s gonna happen to me next. Just wanted to enjoy the time I have with my kids and husband. Okay. I’m still a little envious.  I’ll just think of something else. peace out.

feeling appreciated


Even in the slightest, I haven’t dreamt to be a teacher nor a tutor. I may look like I’m very patient but I’m not. I don’t have the heart to tolerate people. (perhaps that’s the reason I only have few friends, hahaha) This is exactly the reason I’m surprised that I am teaching now. (Siguro ganun talaga pag kapit sa patalim, sabi nga nila beggars can’t be choosers so kahit hindi ko linya pinatulan ko gaya ng pagtuturo hahaha).

Every time I finished all my booked classes, I always feel exhausted because I have to pretend I’m upbeat, friendly and all that it takes to be a good teacher but last night was different. I ended my class with a genuine smile on my face all because of what my student said.

Usually, before I end my lesson, I will ask some questions to verify if they did understand what I have taught them. Also, I will ask if they have questions for me or if they have any comments and I am used to getting “No questions or nothing” answers. However, when I asked my student named “Lily”, she answered “Yes” so although it’s past 25 minutes, I decided to extend a few minutes more to accommodate her.

Our convo goes like this:

Me: Do you have any questions for me, Lily?

Lily: Yes, teacher. Thank you. You are hard.

Me: (I was like uhm, okay,) Hard? Do you mean to say I’m a little strict on how I teach my lessons?

Lily: No teacher. (talks in Chinese looks like she was thinking about words to express herself clearly)

Me: Or do you mean to say that our lesson for today is hard?

Lily: No teacher. (talks to herself in Chinese again)

Me: Could you type your sentence in the chat box? You could also do it in Chinese and then I’ll just translate it.

So she did. She typed the word “Hard” again and only then that I realized that she was trying to thank me for working hard to teach her English.

ACL_Lily_122817_thankful

Lily was my last class so I’m already wasted then but when she said thank you for all the hard work, it was like all my frustrations in my previous classes were dissolved in an instant. (Siguro ganito ung nararamdaman ng mga teachers everytime naaappreciate sila ng mga estudyante. Ngayon ko lang narealize lalo na hindi biro ang pagtuturo) If I had known then, I would have said millions of thanks to all my teachers.

Anyhow, alam kong madami pa kong kakaining bigas, I’m not even sure if I could continue doing this ESL tutoring thing but this is definitely one of the highlights in my ESL tutor sideline. Something that I’ll never forget (hoping I won’t)

minsan hindi sa bibig nahuhuli ang isda, sa amoy din


nung isang gabi duty ni daddylabs para magbantay

umuwi din siya after a few hours tapos nung matutulog na kami, napansin kong amoy yosi siya.

“nagyosi ka noh?” tanong ko.

“ako?” (ung itsura niya ay parang nag-iisip pa kung magsisinungaling siya or hindi)

“wag kang magsinungaling!huli ka na!” sabi ko.

“sabi ko lang naman, ako ah” defensive niyang sabi.

“amoy na amoy ko, saka halata sa itsura mong nagdalawang-isip ka kung magsasabi ka ng totoo noh” asar ko.

“humits lang ako” sabi niya

tawa na lang ako ng tawa kasi huli na siya gusto pa niya dumipensa. anyways, hindi naman ako mapang-away so I decided to let this one go.

hindi pa panahon


ang tumal ng ESL tutorial ko these past few days, swerte na maka-apat na klase ako sa isang araw, nung minsan nga wala talaga. sabi nung coach ko examination week daw kasi kaya walang mga students, sabi naman nung iba, nung natag sila na BK12 teacher humina talaga ang booking nila, feeling ko trulalu talaga ung theory nung isang co-teacher ko na feeling nung mga adult students, once tagged kami as BK12 teacher, focus kami sa mga gradeschool/preschool students. eh pano ba naman kasi, ung mga regular adult students ko, nawaley lahat, ayan tuloy nahahaggard ako sa pagtuturo ng mga preschool/gradeschool students.

anyhow, may nakita akong job post sa isang work-at-home-mom group na sinalihan ko regarding a live healthcare virtual assistant at feeling ko literal na umilaw ung mata ko kasi nakita ko sa requirements, nurse or allied health sciences. sabi ko sa sarili ko this is it pansit, baka pwede ko dito kahit wala pa kong experience as VA so nag-apply ako.  (maganda ung rate per hour tapos pwede 4-8 hours ung working hours na pagpipilian pero yun nga lang night shift siya) sobrang excited ako kasi the day after ko magsubmit, nagreply sila regarding sa requirements saka ung exam na dapat ipasa before maiskedyul ka for initial interview. madaming requirements pero ung sa exam talaga ko tumagal. may sinend na mp3 voice clip tapos itatranscribe tapos pag nagsend back ka, dapat imention mo kung gano mo katagal tnranscribe ung voice clip. live charting ung laman, may doctor na nagsasalita tapos dinidictate nya ung patient name, DOB, chief complaint, subjective at objective tapos treatment plan, apat na pasyente yun pero dahil sa bilis ng pagsasalita kailangan ko iislowmo at kailangan ko pang magreview ng medical terminologies dahil nakalimutan ko na ung iba. Hindi ko natapos agad ung voice clip siguro mga 3 days ko natapos eh 13 minutes plus lang yun eh syempre pwede ko lng siya asikasuhin pag tulog si bastetot. pero ayun natapos ko naman, pero if ieestimate ko mga 8 hours ko siguro ginawa yun, grabehan lang, pero yun talaga nilagay kong time (kasi ayoko namang magpanggap na nadalian ako tapos pag live charting na goodluck na lng bigla diba) nung sinend ko nung requirements, at sa kasamaang-palad hindi na sila nagreply, ahuhuhu, nakakalungkot.

may 2 days na kong nagseself-pity kasi nalulungkot talaga ko, gusto kong magdeactivate ng facebook at IG kasi mas lalo nilang pinapamukha na underaccomplished akong tao, alam mo un, 30, rank and file na empleyado nakaML pero magreresign pagbalik, walang ipon, walang sariling bahay,  pakiramdam ko wala kong narating sa buhay, over lang? hahaha, tapos makikita mo ung isang batchmate mo na nangongopya sayo dati nalibot na ata buong mundo dahil sa magandang work niya, hayyy sarap lang minsan magpakalunod sa lahat ng negatibong nararamdaman ko pero syempre hindi pwede malunod dun kasi nanay na nga pala ko. ganito ba ung tinatawag nilang adulting?doneadulting21 kalurky naman. kaya dito na lang ako maglalabas ng nararamdaman ko, chos. ow well. siguro hindi pa panahon. siguro nagmamadali ako. kung ano’t anoman eh wala talaga eh, ganun talaga, haha, atleast may ESL tutorial sideline ako, salamat na din. hindi pa naman katapusan ng mundo. may bukas pa. saka may nagmamahal pa naman sakin, hahaha