I’m not yet ready


I think I haven’t talked about my niece here in my blog. I’m not sure, maybe I have to do some backreading later.

Anyway, yeah, this blog post is about her. She recently moved here with us from Tacloban after having consecutive failing grades (and when I say fail, her grades were way below average, I mean I haven’t encountered anyone in my entire life having a 59 or was it 69 in one of the subjects in high school. That’s how bad it is.)

She used to be an achiever. When she was still living with my mom and hitler, every school year, my mom gets to go up stage putting medals on her. She grew up with us, growing up to be a lola’s girl. However, when she moved to live with her mom (my elder sister) it’s like the world turned up side down. What used to be an achiever kid transformed into a problematic slash rebel teenager. Maybe she was cultured-shock? Maybe my elder sister didn’t paid much attention to her the way she did with her other 6 kids? I don’t know. Since time immemorial, my elder sister isn’t known to be affectionate, actually, all of us aren’t. In addition, she really didn’t want her at first, I was there when this this kid was born, maybe post partum depression? I don’t know too. It’s like she really doesn’t care much about her compare to her other kids. She says she’s bad luck (that was when she was a baby that’s why she grew up with us, she even mistaken my mom for her mom growing up). My sister says she’s seeing so much of herself in her that’s why she’s always irritated to her. She said my niece is hard-headed, lazy in studying, always loves to hang around with her posse. I knew this kid and she was the sweetest before. Now, I find it difficult to reach out to her, I mean she’s here prancing around with her smiling face but I feel that invisible barrier between us. I mean I already find it hard to relate to people my age, how much more trying to relate to a teenager. Would you believe I even Googled how to interact and discipline teenagers? Gosh how pathetic could I get? I just realized I’m miles away from being ready to seeing my kids grow up.

Hope it would turn out fine. I hope I could atleast make a little positive impact on the life of my niece if not change her life for the better.

Grabe. Paano ba maging mabuting ina sa batang hindi naman sayo galing? Eh ung anak ko nga nangangapa na ako hahay. Napatagalog na ako hahaha nakakanosebleed din eh.

Peace out. Sa wakas natapos din bagi maipublish ulit. Try lang ung kanina. Hindi ko alam kung sino kina ariana, piatot at baste ang aksidenteng nakapindot ng publish.

 

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dahil mas marami pang mahalagang bagay kesa pag-eemote


Habang nakahiga ako katabi ng anak kong payapang natutulog na may konting paghihilik on the side, iniisip ko kung saan ako nagkamali sa pagsagot sa interview at exam ko kahapon sa isang kumpanya. andaming tanong bigla sa utak ko. bakit kaya hindi pa sila nagtetext. zero ba ko sa exam? hindi nila feel ang aura ko? pati ba naman sa non-voice bokya ako? hanggang mapunta sa saan ba ko nagkamali ng desisyon sa buhay at struggling pa din ako? nakakaguilty bigla na nag-anak ako pero hindi ko pa siya kayang bigyan ng magandang buhay na tutugma sa ideal na magandang buhay sa isip ko.

hanggang sa naalala ko hindi ko pa pala napaplantsa yung damit ng baby ko na nilabhan ni daddylabs. 

tapos may narinig ako sa isip ko na nagsabing “Cut! OA na!”

oo na, eto na nga, magpaplantsa na.